The Polymath Project | How Communication Works

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

Through this blog, I will be sharing my daily experiences and insights as I embark on this journey to become a polymath. I will be exploring a diverse range of topics, from science and technology to art and literature, and sharing my thoughts and observations along the way.

The Polymath Project

How Communication Works:

Communication is an art that I have honed over the years as a seasoned speaker. From teaching and giving demos to handling conferences and client calls, I have effortlessly conveyed complex ideas and navigated difficult scenarios. It has always been second nature to me, which is why I was taken aback when I recently discovered that my speaking score in TOEFL was lower than expected.

How could this be? I never had an instance where I'd to struggle with conveying ideas effectively. This revelation prompted me to delve deeper into the fascinating world of communication and unravel the complexities of how it truly works.

Importance of Effective Communication Skills

essential for sustaining relationships and achieving personal goals.
often unconscious and influenced by deep cultural learning.
awareness of communication processes is crucial

for becoming a better communicator.

Modes of Face-to-Face Talk

categorized into three modes

connect talk, control talk, and dialogue talk

Connect talk

focuses on creating and maintaining relationships.

Control talk

is an automatic response
directed towards dealing with differences / conflicts in relationships

Dialogue talk

involves conscious choice and self-management
enabling effective communication in complex situations.

Understanding the Complexity of Communication

Talk is more complex than surface assumptions suggest.
Communication involves

verbal and nonverbal elements,
as well as decoding and interpretation by the listener.

Successful communication

is a complicated process,
often prone to failure and misinterpretation.

Do you recall a situation where your communication failed to achieve desired outcomes?

Interpersonal Communication (IC) Process

IC involves

two or more people
acting together within a specific context

occurs through

conscious or nonconscious display of messages
using verbal and nonverbal symbols.

Face-to-face communication

combines words and nonverbal cues, and
both levels can reinforce or contradict each other.

Communication is about

content and relationship simultaneously.

Communication is either symmetrical or complementary

involving mutual exchange and adjustment.

The Complexity of Face-to-Face Talk

receiver has the highest importance is a conversation

then comes the message
followed by relationship between words and nonverbal displays.

Communication involves

external and internal feedback,
occurring at two levels (topic and relationship feedback).

People are senders and receivers simultaneously

Axioms of Face-to-Face Communication

Axiom 1: Communication is inevitable in face-to-face situations, even without verbal communication.
Axiom 2: Face-to-face communication combines words and nonverbal cues.
Axiom 3: Communication is always about content and relationship simultaneously.
Axiom 4: Communication is either symmetrical or complementary.
Axiom 5: Communication is punctuated differently by each participant.

Understanding Ineffective Communication

Noise

anything that interferes with message sending
can explain moments of ineffective communication.

The receiver's interpretation and personal experience

play a significant role in understanding the message.

Do you recall any instances where others didn't listen to you?

The Social Context That Shapes Our Talk

Culture shapes the meanings of our words and gestures.
Cultural learning provides perspectives

on life and
knowledge about the physical and social worlds.

Socialization teaches

standards of achievement and appropriate behavior,
known as values and norms.

Examples of values:

individualism vs. collectivism

Examples of norms:

high expressive cultures vs. low expressive cultures

The Operations of the Cognitive Unconscious

Cognitive unconscious operates differently from the conscious mind.

Automatic, fast, and rigid
Focuses on pattern detection

Functions of the cognitive unconscious:

Supports rational decision making
Evaluates the world around us
Initiates action efficiently

Impact of unconscious decisions on communication relationships:

Enables effective communication and talk in relationships
Allows for automatic invocation of conversation schema
Interpretation of word meanings and nonverbal displays

Okay! This idea above is a handful. Let's look at a scenario:

Hugh and Vanessa have a very different way of communication. Here's a typical day of them having a conversation.

Hugh:

consciously aware of what he is saying and
actively thinking about his words and nonverbal cues.

Vanessa:

her cognitive unconscious is at work
processing information without her conscious awareness.
cognitive unconscious operates automatically

quickly, and in a rigid manner.

It focuses on detecting patterns in the conversation and the world around her.

While Hugh consciously thinks about his responses, Vanessa's cognitive unconscious evaluates the information she receives and helps her make rational decisions during the conversation. It efficiently initiates actions, such as responding to Hugh's statements or asking follow-up questions.

The impact of Vanessa's unconscious decisions on their communication relationship is significant. Vanessa's cognitive unconscious enables effective communication and talk in their relationship. Vanessa's cognitive unconscious helps her interpret the meanings of words and nonverbal displays from Hugh. This allows for smoother and more efficient communication between Vanessa and Hugh.

In reality, both conscious and unconscious processes play a role in communication.

It is often a combination of conscious deliberation and automatic processing that leads to effective communication and successful relationships. The key is to find a balance between the two approaches and leverage their respective strengths in different situations.

Understanding Words and Nonverbals

Words are essential

but slippery tools that require agreement on meanings.
have denotative and connotative meanings.

Nonverbals

including facial and body gestures,
play a crucial role in communication.
affect verbal meanings, shape relationships, and communicate emotions.

Importance of Etiquette and Politeness

Proper etiquette and politeness are not limited to snobbish behavior
they play a crucial role in

making social interactions easier and more comfortable.

Knowing etiquette rules

helps individuals feel at ease in various situations and
contributes to making the world a better place.

In today's fast-paced society

families often lack time to teach their children basic social skills,
leading to a decline in etiquette knowledge.

Etiquette is not only relevant

for personal interactions within families
but also has economic implications,
as individuals may feel uncomfortable

in professional settings or social events.

Understanding the foundations of etiquette

allows people to navigate new environments with confidence and
ensure the comfort of those around them.

Historical and Cultural Significance of Etiquette

Etiquette has been a part of human culture for centuries

with each culture having its own set of norms and expectations.

Prominent figures like Emily Post

have contributed to defining etiquette and
codifying its rules through books and articles.

Etiquette became popular during the Renaissance as a means to reinforce social order and distinguish the upper classes from others.
Table manners, polite conversation, and even the use of cutlery have evolved over time, influenced by historical and cultural factors.

Challenges in Modern Etiquette

rise of technology

smartphones
presented new challenges to etiquette & communication
people become increasingly distracted and
disconnected from face-to-face interactions.

Smartphones

common distraction during meals and social gatherings,
hindering meaningful conversations and
detracting from the purpose of shared moments

References from:

Aronson, Wilson, et al., Social Psychology.
Cohen and Nisbett, Culture of Honor.
Ekman, Emotions Revealed.
Finegan, Language.
Gladwell, Outliers.
Hofstede, Culture's Consequences.
Jandt, An Introduction to Intercultural Communication.
Leathers, Successful Nonverbal Communication.
Mehrabian, Nonverbal Communication.
Tannen, You Just Don't Understand.
Tea & Crumpets Chicago: Etiquette, Public Speaking & Job-Readiness
Renaissance Table Etiquette and the Origins of Manners
Would you give up your seat for a pregnant woman?
Put a Fork in It (Slate)
The Effects of Mere Exposure on Liking for Edible Substances

The road ahead is full of twists and turns, and I can't wait to see what lies ahead!

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